Price Of Love

 After the initial shock of loss comes in unforgiving waves. Grief is never really something you get over. In Christ you find infinite strength as he makes a way. It’s something that walks beside you everyday follows you and chases you around in complete dismay. Grief is still equally hard whether they pass on or are still alive. So what happens inside when you cut contact and say goodbye. What happens when we lose someone dead or alive. Is it just a broken heart you can’t see...from the outside. The emotional response is a scarring of tissue in the brain that’s died....thats now permanently re-wired differently. The neutrons in the brain change over time. Your DNA gradually changes discreetly. Many ppl suffer with depression and thoughts of suicide....as a result of trauma or broken heart unforeseen. And other outcomes that’s transpire in life. That’s why you pray when someone loses the will to live. Love heals. Love saves. That’s why you always choose to love and forgive. After someone has left your life all. you’re left with is grievous memories through history that can’t be relived. Many never get over a loss completely. They just live with grief silently and shine their light for other ppl’s healing journey. All things happen for a reason you’re trying to understand. But some things in life only God can comprehend. And some days it feels like you’re losing them all over again. Grief is suffering and suffering builds character and character is a victory cuz when you leave this world behind one day that’s all you’re taking into glory. She was a genius of sadness immersing herself in it separating its numerous strands....appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum like beautiful broken stained glass. When you're breaking no one can see or feel the pain. You learn to live with the amputation you heal but you’re never the same. Grief is beautiful. Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of strength and a pure heart. You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death falling apart. The reality is that you will grieve forever til you pass on from death into life or be re connected unexpectedly as time goes by. You will not get over the loss of someone you truly unconditionally love. You will learn to live with it even if you’re forced to be apart. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. Grief is like sinking drowning like being buried...in water the tawny color of kicked up dirt. Every breath is full of choking. A dying birth. There is nothing to hold on to, no sides, no way to claw myself up from sorrow. There is nothing to do but let go the airway gets more strenuous narrow. Feel the weight all around you, feel the squeezing of your lungs, the slow low pressure. Let yourself go deeper. There is nothing but rock bottom. There is nothing but the taste of metal and what used to be and echoes of old days and memories that bring out the music and writing in me. Grief feels like being beaten to death....like getting shot a bullet to your chest breathing in distraught. Grief has no time limit for those of you who lost a piece of your heart. There’s no time limit to grieve the heartbreaking loss. You might find that unusual or strange...but the truth is that the amount of love you feel for someone and the impact they have on you will never change...whether you lose them or not. You don’t just stop loving someone, you either always will or you never did in the first place. When all said and done. Grief is beautiful and priceless because it is the price you pay for love. 

Sept 20/20